Approaching and tackling these deep dark periods in our lives can drive us down, or we can embrace it, challenge it, tackle it head on and see the monster for what it is and slay it with ferocious intensity to become the conquering victor. It’s a calling from your inner-self to re-evaluate life and seek spiritual answers, a cry from your soul, or for some a slap around the head to sort your $*#T OUT!
Both the dark periods look exactly the same, when we are challenged head on to face trauma that we are currently experiencing, or one that has arisen from the past. The trauma may not have any rhyme or reason to it, but triggers something inside ourselves that drives us down into the black hole. It can be pain, a feeling of disconnection, anxiety, directionless and sadness for no apparent reason. The death of someone close to us, taken unexpectedly, an eye-opening awakening that the life you have been living is a complete lie, or a re-remembering of a memory so deeply hidden that has popped out to reveal itself again.
Any trauma that a soul faces that leaves us grieving and facing emotions that keep us locked in fear, shame, anger can mean that we travel a lonely path of solitude. Time has no relevance, when we live with trauma, and will eventually show itself as dis-ease if left unresolved.
Some may challenge me on this, but the ego of the mind plays a massive role in trauma. Recognising the “Ego” when it’s in play and causing a soul to live in a state of chaos can be tricky, but once you start to see it this will become easier to give the ego the heave ho. Tackling the ego as a dark shadow that is always present, and seeing it as the exact opposite of Jiminy Cricket, a constant whisper of self-importance, believing that your trauma is larger than anyone elses, quietly sending negative messages to you that people don’t understand as they have never experienced your pain, that people won’t understand your shame, leaving home means people will see right through you. Crippling a soul to the point that hiding in the dark can seem like the only solution.
Where the Dark Night of the Soul differs to the Dark Pit of Despair is how we process it to move from despair to putting a framework of healing in place, and knowing that there is light, new life and hope beyond.
The four stages that generally unfold are:
1. The Trigger – Where there has been something of significance happen in your life that shakes you to your core
2. The Crisis – You are right in the epicentre of the Dark Night of the Soul. You are questioning your life and world, and are feeling confusion as well as body symptoms.
3. The Transformation - you are beginning to unravel and take charge for yourself, beginning the self-healing, and can finally see a glimmer of hope.
4. The Emergence – Walking out of the cave, and feeling like you have rebirthed and come away with a new sense of purpose and identity.
Indeed I have been through it, crippled, without seeing a pathway ahead. And the first time I didn’t even realise that it had a term, and certainly didn’t understand what or how the ego plays a massive part in how I operate in every moment of every day. Or, that there are tools that you can put in place for yourself, as well as having a healer to assist on the journey.
A Dark Night experience is often a soul call to spiritual awakening, moving into a deeper and richer state of consciousness, where life will never look the same way as it did prior. It’s the death of the old self and a re-birthing of the new, and for some people this can happen multiple times in one life.
The more we embrace and welcome the dark, and go into these lonely cave-like experiences with all the armament ready, then the better equipped we will be. And how beautiful and glorious on the other side of this once we exit out of the cave, transformed and reborn again, ready to experience the world with a fresh perspective.
As I eluded to earlier time has no relevance, and going through this inner transformation is not one we want to rush, but to sit with and allow all manner of emotions to arise and examine. Allowing the natural rhythm of the journey, spending time with it, rather than rushing to get out the other side allows us to dive deeper into examining the questions, looking at ourselves with self love to reflect.
Spending time in authenticity and being present can be a tough ride, as often the shadow side of self is one which we do not like, BUT, it can also be a rewarding insight and give us the chance to better understand ourselves far more intimately, what our triggers are, and how we can also learn the art of self-love. Shadows are so vital in all aspects of earthly life, because without these we do not have the full capacity to embrace the light.
Naturally once we start this journey there can be so much confusion. Why am I here, why was I given my family? What is beyond this earth on a spiritual plane? Why do I feel like I have been living a lie? All very deep, all very true and relevant to the experience, and is quite natural to feel like you are in a foggy daze until you are ready to start examining, and then once you can see the wood for the trees, and begin to clear out the muck, the light will begin to show.
Embracing courage and bravery and wrapping yourself in messages of love to remind your body and soul of how loved and supported it is daily. Witnessing people at the beginning of their own dark night of the soul is challenging, and I have seen how if a quick patch job is done without going deep into the recesses this can be a quick fix, but it will still keep rising up for the work to be done. Its like the universe and spirit guides are like “Are you kidding me? You going down this road? I have news for you.”
Physically we will see possible symptoms of fatigue, being exhausted where no rest will revive. Sleep disturbances and the sleep patterns can be out of balance which compounds and makes the emotional rollercoaster that much more trying. Dreams can be more vivid, crazy and unsettling, and the body can experience aches and pains where there has been none before. The body always responds to emotional turmoil, and will present in different ways.
Be kind and gentle to yourself during this time, practice the art of saying a gentle no if you need to, park the extra duties of service to family and friends letting them know you need time-out. Spend time in nature, with your feet on the earth and in the ocean (if possible), or taking hot baths, Epsom salt foot baths, receiving massages and seeing an energy healer. These all help at a body and emotional level and will support you as you move through.
One of the biggest gifts I gave to myself was re-starting journalling. I found this really cathartic, and this was my opportunity to capture in writing all the questions and emotions that were arising, giving me the chance to examine the questions and views that I had held. Once I had put the magnifying glass over them I was then able to go through a self-practice of forgiveness which gave me a lot of insight, and also a better understanding, patience, love for family and friends around me.
Practicing meditation, yoga, tai-chi, listening to valuable podcasts, and reading material that resonate with you and eating good quality food that nourishes your body is vital as it calms the nervous system and sends loving support to yourself, reminding you that you are important.
Supporting yourself with energy healing will assist with bringing and releasing old patterns, old trauma that needs to be healed and released. These sessions are often transformational, and ones which will surprise you with what does come up for healing, and you will never regret. The key is finding the right healer for you at the time, and this can change as you go forward. Listen to your instinct, and if a modality or healer doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t right, it just isn’t right for you at this time.
Biofield Tuning, reiki, healing touch are energy modalities that have proven results in supporting people, and are a gentle non-invasive way of assisting you through an emotional journey to break through to a place of renewed enthusiasm for life.
Lastly, be kind, be gentle and loving with yourself, ALWAYS!
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